Welcome to Bri Books! Today is April 17th, and I’m excited to be releasing this episode. Exactly two months ago today, I returned home from vacation in Bali. I’ve mentioned on the podcast, on social media and IRL that in 2017, I chose to go on 3 vacations with Travel Noire Experiences. The first was Bali in February—I recorded an episode of the podcast in Bali! I went to Cuba in March—and I’m so grateful I went. If you’re interested in hearing more about my time in Cuba, let me know on the @bribookspod Instagram and via social. But I’ve never told the real story about how I almost missed the trip in the first place. My trip to Bali and relationship with today’s guest (actor/ storyteller Cyndii Johnson) started with a missed flight.
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- 0:22 - This episode is all about “The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now” by Meg Jay, PhD. Today is April 17th, and I’m excited to be recording this intro. Exactly two months ago today, I returned home from vacation in Bali, Indonesia. I’ve mentioned on the podcast, on social media and IRL that in 2017, I chose to go on 3 vacations with Travel Noire Experiences. The first was Bali in February—I recorded a couple of episodes of the podcast in Bali! I went to Cuba in March—and I’m so grateful I went. If you’re interested in hearing more about my time in Cuba, let me know on the @bribookspod on Instagram and @bribookspod on Twitter. But I’ve never told the real story about how I almost missed the trip in the first place.
- 1:33 - My trip to Bali and relationship with today’s guest (Cyndii Johnson) started with a missed flight. I almost didn’t even make it on vacation. Long story short, I missed my flight by 13 hours. I thought my ticket was for Wednesday midnight, but I didn’t realize it was midnight on Tuesday, leading into Wednesday.
- 2:00 - So, on Wednesday I was at work,excited for midnight flight go home get bag take shower prep for my flight...and then Google sends alert that my flight will be landing in 9 hours. In a moment of complete panic and shock then calm, I gathered my things, took cab form Upper West to Brooklyn, grabbed my bag, hopped into the same cab and went to Newark. I’m all the while looking on all the apps for first thing smoking out of Newark!
- 3:00 - I get off the plane full day late to vacation, took a taxi about an hour and a half outside of Denpasar to Ubud, Bali. I’m stressed, worried I’ll be the odd person out. The first face I see is that of Cyndii Johnson--she was the Experience Designer for the trip with Travel Noire. She says, “I’m so happy you’re here--you have a massage scheduled in a half hour.” I couldn't have prayed or asked for a more welcoming end what had been trying episode. And today we’re talking about being in our 20s because duh.
- 3:51 - This epi is a bit more more conversational than usual. I hope you enjoy the format--if you like it, let me know by leaving a review on iTunes.
- 4:04 - Cyndii is an actor and storyteller in NYC, but she’s’ from Midwest like me. One of her survival jobs when she’s not being an AMAZING nanny and working as SoulCycle is as an Experience Designer with TN Experiences, which is how we met
- 4:20 - “The Defining Decade” book touched Cyndii, and how a relationship a few years ago prompted her to get passport. Since then she’s been to six countries. Then we get into how “distraction is the opiate of the masses”--so here’s what we’re doing to stay focused and develop discipline--which is a practice!.
- 4: 47 I love Cyndii’s commitment to telling her story while in the thick of it.
- 4:58 - Cyndii, we met in Feb. 2016 when I arrived late for vacation. What were you doing before we met?
- 5:04: I was working a restaurant ABC Kitchen. I was a back-waiter, runner, server, maître di. I was working 40 hours a week making a lot of money but not doing anything else. I usually worked the nightshift and you want to, because when you make the most money. I'd be so exhausted from the night before I wouldn’t do anything until it was time for work at 4pm, work from 4pm to whenever, have a drink and go home to sleep.
- 5:50 - I was grinding my gears. NOt even grinding--just grinding my gears for no reason. I got accustomed to a certain lifestyle but I lost sight of everything I came here to do.
- 6;13 - “These past three years in New York flew by. I’m from Ohio, so age has a different...the timeline I gave myself when I was younger, babygirl ain’t on that timeline anymore.
- 6:45 - Yo, our age is now acceptable childbearing age. Whoa.
- 7:05 - It’s like, I have so many things I’m trying to do. I nanny which is one of my jobs. And the agency told me my girl is 8 in the 2nd grade. I had no concept of what an 8 year in 2nd grade was. I was like, do they talk?
- 7:30 - We’re both from Midwest. I think something interesting is people in NYC and transplants, is I find that we’re just one generation away from poverty. A lot of people I know in NYC are first-generation college students.
- 8:00 - “If you meet me within 5 min you’re find out I’m from Cleveland. I love, love love where I’m from. I think it makes up everything about me. And just what Cleveland stands for what happened to it. How it was this big industrial city and people flocked there for jobs and the jobs went away and everyone was like what do we do? How make this work? We didn’t go to college because we went straight here to make a life for our family and we got a home and all that's been taken away. What do you do with that? What do you stand upon?”
- 8:43 - My dad’s a steelworker. Any day he could not have a job. Detroit and Cleveland are very similar in that way.
- 8:52 - Even the way I think and speak I tell people is Midwestern. They say, ‘You're nice but southerner without accent, not country…’ I think we’re all the sum of everything that’s happened to us. Not that I’d ever go back home. It takes me going away from home to love it so much.
- 9:17 - Even though now I have a job where I make significantly less amount of money, I’m so much more happy. And not even the fact that I’m so much more happy--I value my sanity my time, my drive for my actual career over money.
- 9:40 - I’d rather be uncomfortable in one sense than uncomfortable in another. But now I waste less. I figure out what I really need. Like, once you figure out what you truly need…
- 9:55 - It’s like, I have everything I need. We live in a world of excess. Why do you need...whatever...we have more than what we could ever want, all the time. And we’re just like, ‘buy, you need, advertisement,this is what to do.’ We’ve been fed that since we were born. People’s literal jobs are making us believe we need these things that we’re trying to sell. You can go get a college degree about how to make someone believe they need the thing you have.
- 10:46 - But getting down the basics: All I truly need is food shelter love and freedom, when you get down to the nitty gritty!
- 11:00 - Yes, I want to do all these other things and travel. And you find time and space to do that. You make it important to you. But not at the sacrifice of your needs.
- 11:21 - On “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” - Minimalism isn’t about having only 5 shirts--it’s about having only shirts that spark joy. I’ve taken that into every aspect of my life, and I don’t do “just because” anymore.
MUSIC BREAK: Jenn Mundia
- 12:18 - It’s amazing all the things that had to go into effect for us to meet! We create life!
- 12:40 - When I got this job, I didn’t realize...I see people like flourish every week. I literally watch these life changing moments happen, and I’m able to witness it. As a storyteller, I’m like I have so much to pull from because I’ve seen so many types of people.
- 13:15 - And sometimes these (TN Experiences trips) are the things the only things people do for themselves. And look forward to this. Some may have it easy and taking these trips ain't nothing. But some of them this is a huge sacrifice. But they saw it was important to do.
- 13:30 - In this way, travel is an onward reflection of the inner transformation that’s happened. You’ve done the hard work this is the treat.
- 13:52 - I literally see it sometimes. Me and my friends, I’m like, one day they’re gonna ask in an interview do you know so and so...and I’m gonna be, like, “DO I KNOW THEM?! WE WERE IN BROOKLYN ON SUNDAYS RECORDING PODCASTS IN OUR LIVING ROOM. WE WERE IN THE TRENCHES TOGETHER! YES I KNOW THEM!!”
- 14:57 - I see it happening with my friends they’re getting show's, pilots, these huge things where everyone’s getting to know who they are. And I’m like, this is just my friend. I remember when they weren’t getting anything and they were so sad. You could’ve never told me that I’d be here.
- 15:29 - I tried to change my life so much to be this thing I wanted or thought I wanted. I tried to so hard.
- 15:40 -The relationship I was in before, they were the person who made me get a passport. My ex loved to travel, that was their thing. I ‘d never been out the country before--only family trips to Baltimore, Virginia, etc.
- 16:00 - I was like, “I want to travel,” they’re like, “Let’s do it,” I’m like “well”…. it's’ a farfetched thing to me. I never thought like doing it. And they were like, “I bought these tickets to Trinidad. You have to get your passport.” I went out of the country for the first time.
- 16:40 - And in 3 years, you’ve been to 6 countries.
- 16:55 - What blew my mind is Awkward Black Girl premiered on YouTube 4 years ago. I’ve spent 3 years in NYC and what have I done?
- 17:05 - I’m saying, your time is valuable. And once you stop messing around with that...you’re either going to stay in the same place, or not. My friend has this thing he was talking about where you could write a letter to be delivered to your future self. He wrote himself a letter for 4 months from then and he talked about all the things he was proud of himself for ding. And that kept him accountable--to know that that person in the future depended on him to do the things he needed to do.
- 17:50 - The other day I said I feel so young I don’t feel 26. But what does 26 feel like? I thought one day I'd wake up and belike this adult. But it’s the little things over time
- 18:03 - The quest for adult underwear. I was like, “I have to stop buying panties out the pack.” That’s grown shit.
- 18:26 - It’s like graduating from Ikea to West Elm--you value quality. You start investing yourself more because you also have less time. Time is an investment.
- 19:10 - In “The Defining Decade,” it’s all about how you have to choose to make a choice. And not choosing is still a choice. You choose not to choose! And people are afraid to make decisions.
- 19:37 - In 3 years Cyndii has been to 6 countries. In the book makes point that the 20s is a time when simple exposure can lead to dramatic transformation: “You can’t think your way through life. The only way to figure out what to do is do something.”
- 20:05 - There are so many things I could do that I’m good at . but at the same time I’m overwhelmed by the possibility. I’m paralyzed by the possibility of all these things. I’m like I don’t know if I want to do podcast, blog, video content. And my dad’s like,you're not gonna know until you try. So many times you make decisions based on things that haven’t even happened yet.
- 20:43 - Never tell yourself no!
- 21:05 - Cyndii was talking to friend about budgeting, and decided that when she got her taxes back she’d pay credit card. But her friend said, “you can’t spend money you can’t have.” The Bible says “Don’t worry about tomorrow--tomorrow will worry about itself.”
- 22:02 - Never again will we be so quick to learn new thing. I think that’s at the root of everything we’re saying moving going...travel while you have the light.
- 22:15 - We have light packages and we can do whatever we want. And I know, especially for me, that is crippling. That means I can do anything. So what do I do? So many options.
- 22:35 - I just went to Chicago and I packed a little small carry on. That was the first time I hadn’t over packed. I packed just enough for what I needed, and it felt so good!
- 23:15 - What Cyndii resonated with in “The Defining Decade” was under employment. For her fellow artists, the survival job is a necessary evil. But is Cyndii putting her time and energy into the things she came here for?
MUSIC BREAK: Jenn Mundia
- 24:10 - I think it’s about being more intentional with your life. It’s about being intentional with your time and knowing your time is valuable. Instead of frolicking letting the wind whatever flap you about, you’re being intentional, and honest with yourself.
- 23:26 - Cyndii on being intentional in relationships
- 25:00 - The strength of weak ties, and how associations give us access to something fresh. “People you don’t know can be the best bridge,and there’s no telling where that could lead.”
- 25:25 everything Cyndii got in NYC is through someone she knew. And, in the art world where people are hiring their friends and actors they knew before, it’s like how am I supposed to break in, if everyone wants to work only with people they know? Then I realized it’s not out of a place of malice--people want to help people they know. You want to come up with your circle of people.
- 26:10 - I think career wise, friendships, it’s like you’re building bridges in your 20’s. The hard part for me is to maintain relationships. I’m good at sowing seeds, sending update emails, but when it comes to reaping, I let things die--fruit, ripen, and die. I think that this part of “The Defining Decade,” talking about weak ties and associates giving us access to something fresh--it’s not about it being lasting forever. It’s something fresh. Let people bring life into you!
- 26:48 - And don’t hang out with all the same people! It’s about showing up for your friends, too.
- 27:30 - But I think you also have to learn to show up for yourself. And when people don’t show up for you you’re like, “Oh it's fine,” because you’re not showing up for yourself. And then once you start showing up for yourself, you realize how important it is to show up for other people, and showing up for other people makes them realize they should show up for themselves.
- 28:15 - Cyndii Johnson is an ARTIST, YA’LL! From a 6th grade to 12th grade drama major to earning a degree in her craft, she’s flexing her storytelling muscles.
- 29:11 - “I call myself a storyteller. Whether directing, acting or writing, I’m telling stories. Storytelling I think is how we view world see world know what we know about the world because these stories are passed down. Stories are powerful. “Moonlight” changed the game. It's’ the human experience reflected back to you as you realize you’re not alone. You can learn lesson watching things close to you and far away from you.
- 30:00 - Cyndii’s writing a web series and a play!
- 30:17 “The Defining Decade” says “Distraction is the opiate of the masses, and we think that by avoiding decision now, we keep all our options open for later. But not making a choice is a choice.”
- 30:33 - It’s interesting she said opiate. Isn’t heroin an opiate? It makes you drowsy, nod off, and if you stop doing it you’ll die. And I think that’s part of distraction--part of you has to die to give that up.
- 31:15 - What Cyndii’s nanny client is teaching her about distraction and discipline: “The little girl I’m babysitting, this like if you just DO these 3 things, you can play. If you put in 5 minutes of focus energy, it can be done!” And I’m like, that’s as simple to me! If you give yourself this amount of time focused energy instead of a second here there... if you just get it done, it can be done!
- 31:58 - It’s called going through it because you go through it. Not over not over, it doesn’t go through you, you go through it! Not under, over, it doesn’t go through you, you go through it.
- 32:15 - How floating and teaching swimming is magical for Cyndii: “When I teach people to swim, I first teach them to float. But you can only float if you let go. You have to trust that the water underneath you will support you and keep you buoyant. And it’s hard because water is so very powerful. You can drown in 2 tbsp. of water. But your body’s 70% of water. So it’s something you have to know deeply and let go of that can kill you. You have to believe it can support you. You have to lay on top of it. When people swim, I tell them, you work with the water...you cup and pull yourself through it. Everyone should learn how to swim.”
- 33:15 - “I’m not afraid of drowning because I know if anything happens, all I have to do is turn over and float.”
- 33:30 - Surfing in Bali felt meditative, like yoga. You’re working this living breathing thing.
- 33:46 - While surfing, you go under, the board you’re on could still be flipping in the air while you come up. So you have to put your hands over your head. It’s like, when you fall, the thing you fell by, even when you come out, it could still hurt you.
- 34:05 - Bloom where you’re planted….it’s 2017, we’re 26, live in Brooklyn, you know brionna and you both have passports and you’re living your life. And you’re creating your life.
Find Cyndii on Instagram at @cyndiiluwho